The things that make me, Me: Anxiety

I feel, or believe that, I'm the most negative person I know in my life. That's not right, is it? I don't think so.
I suffer from severe anxiety, though, not taking medication for it (any longer). I was from end of March until the start of May (2014), but I felt like it was doing more harm than good (headaches, major fatigue, irritability and even less motivation than prior to medication) and the $40 a month my mum was spending on it (yes, I'm currently unemployed) just felt like it wasn't worth it. So, I weaned myself off the medication.
This anxiety affects literally everything I do; how I socialise/talk to people, determining whether I go out or stay at home, what I do for the day, how much makeup I wear, what I wear, how I treat others.. I hate it, and it's not an easy thing to overcome. I was officially diagnosed last year, but thinking back, I've been dealing with it since primary school.

I want to overcome this, or at least weaken its intensity and control it has over me. I need change, as much as I fear it. I need more confidence, as hard work it seems.. But hard work pays off, right?

First Post!

Feeling: Anxious
Listening to: Entwined OST - Sam Marshall
Playing: Xbox - AC Revelations
Reading: nothing

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I've been putting this off for since.. last Monday (14th), I think. I spent two nights playing around with the template and design of the blog, rather than just posting.. This procrastination and perfectionism has to end, or just cut back.. It's taking it's toll on too much of what I do, and because of it, I've even stopped some of my hobbies, out of both fear of failure and general procrastination.
It's now the 22nd.. Just to prove how much procrastination affects me: there's the proof - 8 days to write something I promised myself I would do to try and 'get better'. Not off to a great start.

So, this blog is pretty much a reflection. I will be recording things that happened on that day, my feelings for the day, things I found inspirational (ranging from quotes to music, etc), what I ate, and daily goals, Uni updates, planner and assessment schedule and so on.

I'm hoping that, by doing this, I'll be able to 'get better'. I want to understand my own behavioral patterns and emotions, what triggers them. I want to see if by changing my diet can I be more positive with thinking and feeling physically better (less headaches and stomach aches and fatigue, etc). I want to realise what inspires me, even on my darkest and emotional days. I want to keep track of all my uni work in one place, and understand my own thinking with my approach to it - why was I so stressed? Why am I finding this difficult? And so on.

Anyway, this was just a quick entry to write about what I'm hoping to achieve with this blog, and that is, more than anything, a positive attitude towards life. ♥